all the notes . . .

Dear John Mayer...

You are an idiot and you should really think before you talk.  However, I still love you and think you are a brilliant artist. I even still think you're a good person, but I think it's for the best that you and Jessica Simpson are over. I think she gave you a case of the crazies.

Dear Accounting Guys at work...

I like you guys, really I do.  But if you continue to feel the need to bring me a  stack of invoices to enter, fax and mail 10 minutes before I need to leave to mail them, then I'm going to feel the need to karate-chop you in your neck.  I'm just saying.

Dear UVU...

I have always been in at least the honors bracket when I receive grades.  So you can imagine my dismay when I got my Associate's Degree and I am off by .02 points to graduate with honors.  I know it's probably my fault, but I feel inclined to blame you.  Now I'm tempted to drive 45 minutes down and back everyday to finish my Bachelor's Degree with you just so I can prove you wrong.  It's on.

Dear "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette"...

Please stop being so entertaining.  I know you are totally scripted and not at all real, but I can't help but want to watch every episode of you.  Watching you is like eating cheesecake...so bad for me, but I just can't walk away.  Not to mention my husband thinks less of me everytime I watch you.  So if you could go away, I would appreciate it.

P.S. When I say go away, I really mean please stay and keep having nutjobs on to keep me entertained.

Dear Any Place That Makes Clothing...

What's with the shirts that you claim are dresses?  I have to actually get ready for work now, and I would prefer not to live in pants during summer. So if you could make some cute dresses and skirts that work for us that would prefer to cover 75% of our bodies instead of letting it hang out, that would be great.

Dear Swimming Suit...

You are my monster under the bed.  I won't be terrified of you one of these days.

Dear Husband,

You deserve a gold medal. (Or bronze since you think it looks cooler.)